He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I touched a dick in church today
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
