I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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