So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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