Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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