this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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