if you like me you must not know who I am
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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