Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm always down for nudity.
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