But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
