why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
