I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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