I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
