mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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