if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
