The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
