she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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