Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
