It's like God shit irony all over that family
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
