Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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