the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
