the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
