I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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