I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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