Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
