k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm too high and old for this...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
