Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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