haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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