if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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