my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
