Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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