mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
