you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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