College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
