I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
