Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's always time for handjobs
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
