I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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