I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
