For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
