You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.