apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.