Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
