plz talk dirty to me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING