There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
