He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
