You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
