Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The struggles of a small town man whore
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
