oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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