Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dick very happy bro
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
