You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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