I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
