you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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