All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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