she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
