I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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