the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
