I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
