Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
