there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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