So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
