You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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