no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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