she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
