if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
