There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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