my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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