HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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