I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You've changed since you got that strap on
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
