My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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