if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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