Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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