I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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