gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is wine microwaveable?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
