Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
