Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
