Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
