He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
