Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
