I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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