White coat. Heels.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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